Random Insanities of Harry Potter and Co
by cubye4
Summary: Beware severe randomness ahead! If you are in a logical mood then skip right along because this story isn't for you. Pretty much anything can happen here, so be warned. Enter with caution!
1. Part 1: Ginny's Love Life

Major randomness! Be warned! (Rated for what future chapters may contain)

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Part 1: Ginny's Love Life

Harry – *Enters room loocking very glum* I'm not sure if you heard or not, but Ginny's got a crush on you.

Ron – What? She's my sister!

Harry – Ron! I wasn't talking to you. That's so totally disgusting, and gross and just plain ew! *sticks out tongue to emphasize ew-ness*

Ron – Well, how was I supposed to know that you weren't talking to me? Next time you're not talking to me, don't stare at me!

Harry – OMG, Ro! You're such an annoying, self-centered biatch!

Ron – *Pouts* Harry that was so freaking mean! How could you possibly say something like that?

Harry – Ron, shut up already, what were you even talking about anyway! Like honestly, you're so freaking random.

Ron – Well, you're more random! You told me that my sister has a crush on me!

Harry - I told you I wasn't talking to you you arse!

Ron – Well who were you talking to?

Harry – Draco!

Ron – Malfoy?

Harry - *Rolls eyes* Do you know any other Dracos?

Ron – OMG! Harry you aren't serious!

Harry - She told me that she likes him, so that's what I told you!

Ron - *In serious voice* Harry, that's terrible.

Harry – It is isn't it?

Ron – Completely.

Harry – Oh well, what are you going to do about it?

Ron – Hmmmmmmmm! Good question! Well, I guess we can poison his pudding!

Harry – That's not very creative of you, you know?

Ron – Eh, if it kills him I don't really care.

Harry - *Laughs* Ron you're so funny *Punches him jokingly on the arm*

Ron - *Punches him back* Why thank you, Harry!

Harry *Punches him again* You're welcome Ron!

*They kiss passionately and then go off to kill Draco*

-End-

**Don't ask, but please review!**


	2. Part 2: Harry's Singing Career

**Some more randomness? Well you came to the right place! Enjoy!**

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Part 2: Harry's Singing Career

Harry – OMG! Ron, I have the best news ever!

Ron – Really? What is it Harry?

Harry – Well Ron, do you remember a while ago I was thinking about trying out for _Britain's Got Talent_?

Ron – Yeah, I remember that. You were going to sing a cover of _I Kissed a Girl_! Did you try out?

Harry – Something even better happened!

Ron – Better than a Katy Perry song? Do tell.

Harry – Well Ron, it all started the other day when I was out shopping for tuna fish for our tuna fish salad. Do you remember that Ron?

Ron – I wasn't there.

Harry – No, the salad.

Ron – Which salad?

Harry – The tuna salad.

Ron – I don't like tuna.

Harry – I made it for myself.

Ron – What did you make?

Harry – The tuna salad.

Ron – What about it?

Harry – Do you remember it?

Ron – What was in it?

Harry – Tuna fish.

Ron – I don't like tuna.

Harry – But do you remember it?

Ron – What?

Harry – The tuna salad.

Ron – Oh yeah, I remember that.

Harry – So I went out to get the tuna fish and I met a lady.

Ron - *Claps hands together* Oh! Was she pretty?

Harry – She might have been a dude.

Ron – Sorry. Was he pretty?

Harry – I don't remember.

Ron – Then why'd you mention her anyway?

Harry – It's part of a story.

Ron – Right. Continue.

Harry – So she-

Ron – I thought it was a he.

Harry – I don't remember.

Ron – Right, right.

Harry – So he/she told me that he/she worked for the show. And, well, naturally I started singing my song!

Ron – Oh! What did he/she say?

Harry – Nothing. He/she had already left.

Ron – *Sad face* Oh, that sucks Harry. Listen, I'm sorry you didn't get to sing in front of him/her.

Harry - *Smiles* Oh that's okay Ron! Cause I stole his/her wallet! *Evil laughter*

Ron – Oh Harry, you didn't!

Harry – I did!

Ron – So, what do you want to do with it?

Harry – Steal his/her money?

Ron – Nah, that's too expected.

Harry – Steal his/her identity?

Ron – Not unless you're totally sure he/she's a girl.

Harry – Hmmmmmm *Thinks* I have a perfect idea!

Ron – What is it Harry?

Harry – Let's kill Draco!

Ron – Didn't you do that last week Harry?

Harry – Eh, why not do it again?

Ron – Sounds like fun!

*They link arms and skip off to Malfoy Manor*

- End –

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Again: Don't ask. Please review.


	3. Part 3: Secret Powers of Harry Potter

**Part 3: The Secret Powers of Harry Potter**

Hermione - *Looks very upset.*

Harry – Hey Hermione, how was the Potions exam?

Hermione – Oh, Harry, it was horrible! *Bursts out crying.*

Ron – *Gives Harry a _she's-crazy_ look.*

Harry – *Returns look.*

Hermione – *Runs at Harry sobbing* Oh, Harry! I'm sure I failed, I just know it!

Harry – I'm sure you didn't.

Hermione – How would you know?

Harry – Psychic powers!

Ron and Hermione – What?

Harry – Sure. I can tell you anything you want to know!

Hermione - *Wipes nose on sleeve.* Anything?

Harry – Just ask.

Hermione - *Mad laughter.* What kind of underwear does Ron wear?

Harry – Pink, lacy panties from Victoria's Secret!

Ron – Hey!

Hermione – Wow Harry! That's amazing!

Harry – Thanks Hermione.

Ron – Harry, we could totally use your powers!

Hermione – For evil!

Harry – What?

Hermione – Never mind *laughs.*

Ron – Right…. So Harry, can you tell us what Dumbledore is doing right now?

Harry – Making out with Filch in a broom cupboard.

Ron – Harry, we could use your knowledge to blackmail people.

Hermione – Like Snape.

Harry – Yeah. He puts on lipstick every night and dances around his office singing Madonna songs.

Hermione – What about Malfoy?

Harry – Well I know he blows raspberries every time he walks.

Ron – Harry, this power is great! How come you never told us about it before?

Harry – I guess I forgot.

Hermione – Can you do anything else you've never told us about?

Harry – I can set things on hire with my mind.

Hermione - *Glint in eyes, smirk on lips.* Harry, I have a brilliant idea!

*All huddle together to discuss genius plan.*

_The next day, as Malfoy is walking down to lunch, and explosion occurs behind him, destroying half the castle. _

-End-

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**Don't forget to review!**


	4. Part 4: Ron's Interesting News

**Part 4: Ron's Interesting News

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Ron – Yo, Harry! I just heard something very interesting!

Harry – Oh, Ron! That sounds so interesting!

Ron – Yes it is, Harry! That's why I said it was interesting!

Harry – Seriously, Ron! There's something even more interesting!

Ron – Hm, Harry! It's what I want to tell you that's most interesting!

Harry – No, Ron! That's not what I was thinking that's interesting!

Ron – Well, Harry! If you don't tell me what it is then it may be pretty hard for me to figure out what it is that is so interesting!

Harry – But, Ron! You were the one who told me that there was something interesting!

Ron – Ah, Harry! I did tell you there was something very interesting!

Harry – Yes, Ron! You were the one who told me there was something interesting!

Ron – You're so right, Harry! But you also told me there's something very interesting!

Harry – That's true, Ron! I can tell you what I believe is the most interesting!

Ron – That's so cool, Harry! I want to know what you believe is the most interesting!

Harry – Then listen, Ron! It seems to be that there is a strange pattern to this conversation that is so interesting!

Ron – You've got to be kidding, Harry! There's nothing about this conversation that's interesting!

Harry – There actually is, Ron! You should go look back at what this conversation has been and see what I believe is so interesting!

Ron – Ooooh, Harry! Sometimes you totally shock me with everything you say that is so interesting!

Harry – Hey, Ron! You don't have to say things like that that are so interesting!

Ron – Haha, Harry! Believe me, I know I don't have to mention everything that is interesting!

Harry – That's a good thing, Ron! It's good to know that you know that you don't have to say everything that is interesting!

Ron – So, Harry! Lets go and look at what this conversation has been and maybe find out what you believe is so interesting!

Harry – Aw, Ron! You are so smart and interesting!

Ron – Dear Harry! You are really the smartest and most interesting!

Harry – Hee hee, Ron! Sometimes you make me laugh because you say so many things that are great and interesting!

Ron – My, Harry! I'm not so sure that I said anything recently that was so interesting!

Harry – Wow, Ron! You can be very dense sometimes, especially if you can't realize what it is that you just said that is so interesting!

Ron – That's the problem, Harry! There seems to be a bit too many things now that are really interesting!

Harry – That's very true, Ron! As a matter of fact, there can't be so many things in the world that are the most interesting!

Ron – That's wrong, Harry! I don't think there can be more than one thing even, that is the most interesting!

Harry – Huh, Ron! That's so interesting!

Ron – It sure is, Harry! Because it can't be that there can be more than just one thing most interesting!

Harry – Um, Ron! You said that already about things that are the most interesting!

Ron – You're so smart, Harry! You can really remember all those things that are interesting!

Harry – Thank you, Ron! That's so nice of you to say something to me that is so interesting!

Ron – You're welcome, Harry! I like to praise you with things that are interesting!

Harry – That's very cute, Ron! It's really cool when you say things that are interesting!

Ron – Maybe, Harry! But maybe it's really not interesting!

Harry – That's crazy, Ron! You should know that you're very capable of saying many things that are interesting!

Ron – Man, Harry! That's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me that is actually interesting!

Harry – Dude, Ron! Now you're praising me for being interesting!

Ron – Funny, Harry! I think I _did _just praise you for being interesting!

Harry – Duh, Ron! I just _told_ you that you praised me for being interesting!

Ron – I know, Harry! I guess I just forgot for a moment that I had praised you for being so interesting!

Harry – Seriously, Ron! But when you forget something you just said it is pretty funny and interesting!

Ron – That's not nice, Harry! You shouldn't insult someone for forgetting things, even if it is interesting!

Harry – I'm sorry, Ron! I didn't mean to insult you for forgetting things and being interesting!

Ron – Well that's alright, Harry! I forgive you since at least you said it was interesting!

Harry – Of course, Ron! It was and is interesting!

Ron – Hey, Harry! That seems like you're bashing those comments that are interesting!

Harry – No, Ron! I was implying that you very often say those things that are interesting!

Ron – Then that's fine, Harry! As long as you're not making fun of those things that are interesting!

Harry – Come on, Ron! It's not so nice when you act like but, but at least it's still interesting!

Ron – Woo hoo, Harry! That makes me quite happy that you still consider it interesting!

Harry – Sure, Ron! It is really –

Hermione –DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT WORD!

Harry and Ron – Ah! Hermione! Why would you say something that is so shocking and –

Hermione – NO! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY THAT WORD! SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING PEOPLE! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY GO ON FOR A WHOLE CONVERSATION ENDING EVERY OTHER ONE OF YOUR SENTENCES WITH THAT AWEFULLY IRITATING WORD! JUST SHUT UP! DON'T SAY IT ANYMORE! YOU'RE NOT EVEN SAYING ANYTHING! OR GETTING ANYWHERE! YOU'RE SENTENCES JUST KEEP ON GOING IN CIRCLES AND IT'S TH E MOST AGGRIVATING THING EVER!

Harry and Ron - *Exchange the "She's Crazy" look.*

Hermione – No! You have no right to look at each other like that! You guys are completely, ridiculously insane!

Harry – Chill, Hermione! You're fit is so unusual and –

Hermione – NOOOOO! *runs out of common room screaming.*

Harry - *Turns to Ron.* What? I was going to say weird!

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**So, readers! I hope you followed some of this things that were interesting! **

**If you did, leave a comment! **

**INTERESTING! **


	5. Part 5: Hermione Learns Texting Lingo

**Part 5: Hermione Learns Texting Lingo **

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Hermione - *Enters common room dancing and twirling* Hey, guys!

Ron - *Looks up, notices it's just Hermione, and goes back to the paper he's reading*

Hermione - *Sighs* Hey, guys!

Harry - *Looks up, notices it's just Hermione, and goes back to the book he's reading*

Hermione - *Clears throat* I said: Hey, guys!

Harry and Ron - *Look up at the same time, remember that it's just Hermione, and go back to their reading*

Hermione – You guys are so inconsiderate! I said hi to you three times.

Harry - *Keeps on reading* Yes, Hermione. Believe me, we know.

Hermione – Then how come you didn't say hi back?

Ron – We hoped you'd leave.

Hermione - *Pouts* Well you know what? You two are just tmapihem!

Harry and Ron - *Look up from both of their reading* What?

Hermione – It's texting lingo. It means: the most annoying people I have ever met!

Ron - *Intrigued* That's so cool, Hermione!

Harry – Yeah, Hermione. Where did you learn to do that?

Hermione – I was talking to Susan Bones and she taught me all about it!

Harry – Susan? Well that doesn't make sense. Isn't she from a wizard family? How would she know about a Muggle thing like - ?

*Harry is attacked by the mysterious plot bunny who doesn't like being insulted*

Hermione – Anyway, she taught me about this thing called texting lingo, which is like shorthand you use when you're texting someone!

Ron - *Pretends he knows what texting is because it makes the whole thing easier* Wow, Hermione! That's mighty neat! Or should I say: tmn!

Harry – *Kicks plot bunny out the window, straightens tie, wipes fur off robes* Yeah! That is so freaking awesome!

Hermione – I know! Iipootbmutilahe! It is perhaps one of the best, most useful things I've learnt at Hogwats ever!

Ron – Hhtfbyplalmtmsah! Ha ha, that's funny because you've probably learnt a lot more than most students at Hogwats!

Hermione – Tsmrtsastfytsiratc! Thanks so much Ron! That's such a sweet thing for you to say. I really appreciate the compliment!

Ron – Wykhyaavwwwibmcailtgttyitmyh! Well, you know, Hermione, you are a very wonderful witch whom I believe deserves many compliments. And I love to give them to you if they make you happy.

Hermione – Rittootftystyltmm hatmmehwmyhw goao! Ron! I think that's one of the first times you said that you like to make me happy, and that makes me even happier, which makes you happier, which goes on and on!

Ron – Dhmydktbiattyapa aisfattimhbmtyai hyktinrmaoi! Dear Hermione! Maybe you don't know this, but I actually think that you are pretty amazing, and I'm sorry for all the times I may have been mean to you and I hope you know that I never really meant any of that!

Hermione – Ricbyjstibwslfyts slttmaiwtydft swtidaiwytsban ihtyflmktyft swfmtibffy! Ron! I can't believe you just said that! I'd been waiting so long for you to say something like that to me and I worried that you didn't feel the same way that I did and I wanted you to so badly, and now I'm happy that you've finally let me know that you've felt the same way for me that I've be feeling for you.

Ron – Ycstaid rrwifrtirlyamtj afbwidrii wjaaayitiiet yywjlamattia scoggoosa tmmsrtty wifaybnigtid bittiwoab! You can say that again! I don't really remember when I first realize that I really like you as more than just a friend, but when I did realize it, I was just as afraid as you. I thought if I ever told you, you would just laugh at me and think that it's a stupid crush, or get grossed out or something, and that made me so reluctant to tell you what I felt about you. But now I'm very glad that I did because I think that I was overreacting a bit.

Hermione – Ysworamtjalbiftlyds atlittymnsaatiwbr rrrrsbiktddiirlyaidwyttti dlyaiwasstywcssl saglbwirdlbtwatiwbs dautiwpwtkhamhtays tjnrsnihtydtftmat! You sure were over reacting. And more than just a little bit! In fact, the longer you didn't say anything, the longer -

Harry – Yeah, that's all great and all but did you know that: Syghbhtcibfqlo!

Hermione - *Blank look*

Ron - *Blanker look*

Hermione and Ron – What does that even mean?

Harry – Well, it means that –

Ron - Look, sorry mate, but you don't really… um….

Hermione – I think Ron's trying to say that you don't get the way this texting lingo stuff works.

Harry – But what are you talking about! I know how it works! Watch: Sygmmf –

Hermione – Nah. Sorry, Harry, but you really can't do this.

Ron – Hermione's right. You're just not good at this sort of stuff.

*Hermione and Ron link arms and skip off*

Hermione - *Her voice fades away* Rykirwtbmt…..

Harry - *Makes a sad face, then gets up to go look for the plot bunny to fight with again*

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Note: I would like to say to anyone who read this story before I caught this mistake that I'm sorry! I didn't realize that fanfic had cut out the later sentences that Ron and Hermione say because they're not really words and the site automatically deletes them. Therefore, I had to add spaces in between the letters (sorry they were put there randomly so don't try to make sense of them). They weren't there in the beginning, so I just wanted to let you all know (if anyone reads this story at all) that that's why there are spaces. Ok, yeah, whatever, bye.

Hee hee! Leave a review! Oh, and can anyone guess what the last two of Hermione and Harry's 'texting words/sentences' leave a review telling me what you think they are! Most creative gets... mentioned in the next chapter as a winner? Incentive enough?


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